Consumed By Debussy - Unfinished

I want to sleep forever.

Prelude in b flat minor

I was very positive I was dead: my skin was really cold, I had a paler look then I usually did and my torso was sprawled all over the single desks in French class at the very end of the day. I was unresponsive, asleep from a long and boring day of school. I started school as a Jr. a week before, just after I moved back into town. I was head in hand, half asleep daydreaming, like I always do in school.

I was thinking, Newport, Oregon is itself a very unresponsive place to live; things happened in such a way that you just go along with it, you don’t argue, because if you do you’re left alone doing nothing because there is nothing else to do. I didn’t argue when my mom moved out with me when I was five because she found a job in New York City. It was only when my dad called, late one night, nearly twelve years later, begging for us back. She stuttered, cried and hung up. She cried and cried, never leaving our apartment for the next week. They loved each other, deeply, because my dad would always keep her pictures up in the house and my mom the same, where ever we were. She was proud of the pictures, showing everyone who came into our apartment. Either she was trying to show off Dad, or making sure no one thought she was single, like a lot of people did.

What confused me was… we were moving back? I was really happy that we were, but what about my mom’s job? She’s in charge of a fashion magazine, the lady who everyone looks up to for trends. She was always up to date. Beautiful, some said. Gorgeous, most agreed. I had to concur with the later, but to my disgust I didn’t inherit any of her genes.

“Are we staying, for good?” I asked her meekly in our last night in New York City. I knew that the pain and apprehension in my voice was apparent to her, because she got up and took my hands in hers, holding me firmly by the hands and looking straight into my eyes.

“I promise, with all my love, my heart, that we will make this work, because there is no other way.”

No other way? What does she mean? I was confused, but I didn’t argue.

My older brother Russell moved out right when we moved in. He loves me, a lot, but he didn’t care too much for my mom, because he saw how much leaving had hurt me. Every time we visited she had to pull me off him or dad, because I didn’t want to leave. He even tried to hide me when I visited for my first Spring break away from home. He didn’t say anything, just took me by the hand and ran with me into the forest with his little backpack full of food and some clothes. I didn’t argue. My dad had the whole town looking for us, and we were found a day later sleeping on a blanket a few miles into the woods near dusk. I remember two things happened after that: he got into a lot of trouble, and cried his eyes out.

Russell’s is five years older then me, making him 23 at the time. He’s a big and tall, protective, strong and tough big brother, and thought that hiking was fun. When we moved back, I got picked on a lot, a side effect of parents who gossiped, and how I stood out amongst not just everyone in Newport. He told everyone to either love me, or leave me alone. Either his looks or his build caught peoples attentions, because everyone seemed to take his words to heart, because now I’m just… there. I cease to exist when I’m not around my family now.

Then there was my little brother Daniel (though he was only younger by a matter of minutes). He was, no, he is my best friend, and when my brother he treated me like the little sister. He was always there for me, even though I wasn’t popular like him. He wasn’t athletic and strong like Russell and Dad, and wasn’t smart and intellectual like my mom, he was just Daniel: fun, quirky and just very loveable. He was also handsome; some girls would even call him gorgeous. Every time I was visiting, some of his sheep would try and pull him away from me, ask why he would be around me.

“Come with us to lunch, Dan.”

“Why are you always with her, Daniel?”

“Because she’s my sister, and I love her.”

He would use his looks and personality to get his way. He could melt people’s hearts with one smile, even just a glance. And when I was with him, his way was what he though I wanted. I hated it, not because he used people to make me happy, because I loved that, knowing someone loved me throughout all my numbness. I hated it when he did that because he got me right so much; out of billions of people, only one person knows me.

Daniel is my best friend and twin.

Sostenuto

The bell rang and I snapped out of my thoughts with a shudder. I walked lifelessly down the halls to the east campus. I was used to not being there, not being noticed, so I wasn’t surprised or angry when an enthusiastic girl ran past me to get to her boyfriend, knocking my books out of my hands.

“Sheeze, watch where you’re going,” she said to me like acid, glaring at me.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

And there was soon a hand helping me pick up my books. It was pale and slender, slowly stacking up the books and scattered papers into a neat stack.

“I’m sure I saw that it was you who bumped into Emm, Jessica,” Daniel said without anger, but enough accusation to make her feel bad.

“Sorry Daniel,” the girl said, dazed.

Daniel smiled at me, lifting my books, paper and backpack along with his. He always acted with the most propriety, so even if he wasn’t the brightest student (he did try very hard though) all the teachers loved him. He took up all my books and bags, and started to walk down the hall to the street that separated the campuses.

“I can carry my own things, Daniel” I said near silently.

“I don’t mind, and anyways, I need the exercise,” he replied in a normal tone. He surprised me, I didn’t even know if I ever talked loud enough for a bat to hear.

We went behind the campus to the parking lot, to Daniel’s dark blue Volvo station wagon. It wasn’t something most high schoolers would be proud of, but I knew it fit him. It was simple, something Daniel always liked. My parents bought it for him the previous year. I didn’t get a car, because I didn’t really need one in New York City, not that I had any where to go anyways. I was studying for the permit though, because I needed one now that taxis weren’t so abundant.

Daniel tossed my stuff in the back seat, and opened and closed the passenger door for me. I noticed a small bruise on his cheek when he turned around to back out.

“Hey, how did you get that?”

“I don’t know, it was just there when I woke up. It’s really unsightly, isn’t it?” he said without changing his position.

“I probably got it bumping into the night stand or something.”

Now that I noticed it, it really stood out. The bruise contrasted completely against his delicate pallid skin, but nearly matched his rich blonde hair. His hair wasn’t like anyone else’s in the family: first there was the color, we all had shades of brown. His was also very soft, and just a bit wavy. He always wore it long and swept to the side and back which made him look even more model like. If anything, Newport was a sore thumb in Daniel’s life, or at least his looks.

And when I thought about it, I realized that Newport was sore thumb for everyone in my family but me. Everyone looks dejected, haggard compared to my family, except for me. I fit in. Maybe my mom should have brought everyone to New York, and left me here.

She loves it in New York City. She loves the lights, the people, the speed, the fashion. I hated it, I hated the damn place for every reason she loved it. I never tried to show it though, because I didn’t want to bring my mom down with me. But I suck at lying, so either she didn’t notice, ignored or lied right back at me.

“Do you mind?” he asked, pulling me out of another day dream.

“Huh?”

“Do you mind if I play some music?” he said, pointing to the dashboard.

“Oh, no, why would I?” I said back in a half daze.

“I don’t know, just wondering,” he said as he pushed a CD into the CD player

Right away, the violins started. “He still listens to classical music…” I sighed to myself in my head.

“You don’t like classical music?” he said looking over at me.

“No, not particularly,” I said through my lips quietly. I was a bad liar, and I hoped he didn’t notice that I couldn’t stand it at all.

“Hmm, that’s why I asked. And it’s Ravel, so impressionism, not classical.”

I stared at him with a confused look on my face, trying to study his face, when he bellowed off a laugh that made me jump.

We got home faster then usual because Daniel took some one-way back roads the wrong way. We got to our house deep in the forest behind the reservoir, where no one went because it was dark, dingy and constantly wet, but the house was on a piece of land up on a small mountain so the water ran free, the sun hit hard and there was plenty of light. There was a very large, flat clearing where our house was, and it was a large home, majestic compared to other homes in the area. I loved the house, because it was so secluded, no one can see you up on the hills, and yet you can see everyone down below clearly.

I took a deep breath of air. I sighed with happiness; it wasn’t just not fresh, but clean, good for my asthma. It was an even bigger relief to be home. I can finally say I live with my whole family, in a real house, and I didn’t have to wait every few months to feel wholly loved.

And there was something more to the breath of air. My mom spent no time wasting on decorating what used to be an all male residence. There were now flaxs and roses and chrysanthemums and dahlias where there were remnants of a garden in the making a decade old. The air wasn’t just fresh and clean, I noticed, but beautiful.

The inside was even more of a change. The furniture had been pushed to the center of the rooms, and the walls were all painted. Her inner vogue for decorating had just exploded, after years of living in apartments that allowed minimal changes. The walls were bright and elegant, making the house seem very open, happy. That’s the first thing I thought of, happiness.

“Mom, we’re home!” Daniel shouted as he tossed his bag off onto the couch that she brought with us from the East.

“Great, I have some chores for you two, this house is a mess. I cleaned the downstairs, but you and your dad neglected this house so much that I only had enough time for the downstairs. Clean your rooms Daniel, Emm, and we can paint it soon” she said from around the corner.

Daniel started up the stairs when he stopped.

“I like the color my room is though.”

“Baby blue? Isn’t that… too kiddy for you?” she retorted poking her head around the corner this time.

“Haha, never in a million years.”

“Well, at least I still have one baby. Emm, what color? So I know what to get when I go to the store soon.”

I thought silently for a second, staring around the room for a color that struck my fancy. I saw a yellow cow I made for my dad when I was eight standing on the mantle.

“Yellow.”

“Yellow? Are you sure, that’s a pretty bold color…” she said as she was washing up her hands. “A bright yellow or a dull one?”

The cow was bright.

“Bright, and yes, I’m sure.”

My mom walked past me, kissing my forehead leaving a smear of lipstick as she jogged out the house to her car.

“Okay, be back soon!” she said as she closed the door.

I went up to my room when Daniel stepped out from his, blocking my way.

“Yellow?” he said like he was trying to accuse me of something.

“What wrong with yellow? It’s a happy color,” I said trying to push my way past him, but he was like a statue to my surprise. He looked thin and frail, or at least I thought he did, but I guess he was hiding some muscles from everyone under his white button shirt and jeans.

“Eww, you have muscles” I said jumping back.

He flexed kissing his large biceps I had no idea were there. “Been working out,” he said with a smile.

“I can’t even imagine you lifting weights,” I said as I crawled under his legs.

Agitato

I’ve had the same room for my whole life, but I only used to stay in it a few weeks every year, until now. It felt weird, knowing I would be in this room for more then a few weeks again, just like before we moved. I was happy though, for the same reason. I would adjust, but then I would just have to move out again... there was only one more year of high school after this one.

I sighed as I pushed my bed into the center of the room, assuming that’s why my mom wanted like she did downstairs. I realized it was a good chance to vacuum the carpet, not knowing in how many years it’s been vacuumed. The rug did look more vibrant afterwards, and I was just putting the vacuum away when mom pulled up into the driveway. She ran into the kitchen, put away the food and went upstairs to find me sprawled on my Jr. sized bed reading The Catcher in the Rye, one of the many books I’ve collected over the years.

“Haven’t you read that book a million times?”

“Let’s make it a million and one then,” I joked back.

“So, I think it’s about time you get a new bed too, this ones looking a bit too small now.”

“But I’m going to leave for college soon anyways,” I said without looking from the brow of the book.

“Well, if you insist…” she said slowly, looking at me with squinted eyes. She was up to something… and I broke.

“Fine, fine! I’ll get a new bed,” I sighed putting down the book as I sat straight up on the end of my bed.

“That’s my Emm! You can take it with you after college, or with you if you can find the room.” She said, as she took off the lid to one of the two paint cans she had. “How do you like this color?”

It was the most brilliant yellow I’ve ever seen, it was much brighter then the cow.

“Umm, I like it,” I said through my lips nodding my head vigorously. I prayed in my head, over and over, that she wouldn’t see that I didn’t like it. I was too preoccupied with praying that I forgot to stop nodding.

“You don’t like it…” my mom said with a sigh as she put the lid back on.

“It’s… a bit too bright,” I said with my lips more relaxed as my head slowed down to a stop.

“Well, I guess I’ll return this, and you come with me tomorrow and pick it out, okay?”

I was thinking that I wouldn’t even remember what color the cow was after a day of school. I would have to bring it with me.

“Sure thing, pick me up?” I said, stepping down from the low bed. It was lower then I thought, and I slipped.

“Eee OW!” I yelped as I hit my head on the corner of the bed frame, forcing me to bite my tongue.

Mom leaped for me wide eyed as Daniel appeared in the door frame.

“Did someone die?” he joked.

“Not yet,” I said acidly while glaring. The only problem was the acid was blood, and all over mom.

“Oh god Emm, you bit through your tongue! We have to get you to the emergency room!” she shrieked as she took one of my shirts that hung on my bed and shoved it into my face.

“I’ll go start the car,” Daniel said rigidly and concerned. But I could hear him laugh a bit under his sentence.

We drove down the back roads, after the afternoon. The sun was setting, but only enough to kiss the top of trees with a light purple color. We only drove a bit down the gravel road when we passed a moving truck pulled over to the side to let us get by.

"Neighbors," Daniel partly confused and interested, "I didn't even know there was another house around here."

“Someone must have built a house, because there wasn’t when your dad built his,” mom said back, as she typed away on her phone. “Are you okay, dear? Do you need anything?” she asked, as I nodded back t-shirt and all.

“I didn’t notice anyone building a--”

“Shh, I’m calling your dad…” mom hissed interrupting. “Harry? Emm got into a bit of an accident… No, nothing like that, she just slipped and bit her tongue… No, but it’s bad for biting your tongue… Yeah we’re going now, I think she bit off the tip actually, and there's dinner in the oven if you get home early… Love you too,” she turned to me, “and dad says be more careful next time.”

The night encroached on us faster then we thought, so Daniel drove slower then usual. I was trying to sleep, the pain almost unbearable. The doctors were too busy, and the nurse said there was little she could do but give me some pain killers.

Vicodin numbs more then just pain. I couldn’t think right, things became one with the night, running away from my consciousness. It was a relief that I couldn’t feel, couldn’t think, and because all the weight on my back was taken off by nurse Hellen and the kind pharmacist at Fred Meyers. I fell asleep, my last thought being that they took it off because they loved me.

Tempo di sonno

I knew I was loved when I saw Daniel turn off the light, closing the door so softly the ease of the hinge sounded like velvet. And the velvet fought for me, and I embraced it, rolling over onto my side, curling into a ball to keep warm in the quilt that was yet to be warmed up by my own body heat, and I succumbed.

I only started consistently dreaming after moving back home. It was always the same place, same time, same people; everything was the same in the dreams, except for the conversation.

There was always a stranger clad white shirt and jeans that stood near on the final rock of a jetty. He always looked out onto the water, his light blonde hair tussling lightly in the breeze. I didn’t know I could even talk in dreams; though I rarely had dreams, I was positive that you weren’t supposed to have conscious control over what you do, what you say.

Or at least I thought you weren’t supposed to.

“Who are you?” I asked so quietly not to disturb the peace.

The soft wind carried my imploring away, and I didn’t even know if he could even hear me. The sun was setting, but it never fully set, making a deep purple air with a little bit more then just enough light to see. He had a glow around him every time, as if he came straight from heaven, and his perfect figure would never turn around to let me see his face.

The waters were calm, making small splashing noises composing a symphony against the pebbles, rocks and boulders of the beach and jetty. The air smelt fresh, but not like a garden, more like after a misting of spring, with a bit of salt to ting your nose.

“The sky, the water, the fire, the bird’s song,” he replied dolce.

“Where did you come from?”

“Exactly where you think.”

I was just about to question him again more about where he came from, when I woke up in a shudder, shivering cold in sweat, an effect that I grown to expect from its continuity.

Meno mosso

School always intrigued me, just the idea of school, and what happens. But I would still rather be home with a book. A good book, any book really, has never bored me. Maybe I was too open with what I liked.

“I wonder who moved into that house over there,” Daniel asked with his chin pointed into the direction of what looked like a stray trail, but what probably an overgrown road.

I shrugged in reply, and wondered why people even asked rhetorical questions. He either wanted me to pose a theory or pass on his, because either way neither of us knew who the neighbors that moved in not even a day ago were.

“Oh, right, your tongue, can’t talk huh?” he chuckled out loud ceasing to smile afterwards.

I sighed extra loud at Daniel’s enthusiasm, the energy he had early in the morning, the same one that conflicted with the peace I was used to. “He didn’t start off on his theory,” I wondered. Maybe he was just trying to be nice and get me to talk. I stared out of the window, slowly as the tree’s parted poco a poco to revile the reservoir of glittery diamonds. The face was really still, like dark glass, reflecting some things and revealing others. The morning mist moved sluggishly over the water, refracting the sun’s light into a spectrum of subtle oranges and reds and purples.

I was beginning to think how unmemorable school is, and how I should have faked pain in order to stay home. But he Vicodin slowed me down to the point where I realize things fifteen minutes too late. I slept against the window so that the cool glass only touched the edge of the bone over my eye. I loved that bone because I was relaxed to a serine calm whenever there was pressure on it. My mom used to massage it when we moved, to make me fall asleep out of my fits of crying. And it didn’t help that he popped in a CD, and I was expecting some classical (impressionistic?) music to start any moment, to pull me farther into rest.

Instead I turned to face Daniel in confusion. He was listening to something that wasn’t over 100 years old?

“Who is this?”

“Joanna Newsom,” he said as if all the energy has drained from him. His face was sallow, and for I second I thought he was dead. The idea of a living without Daniel to be there for me was horrible. He wasn’t there to make me laugh, to cheer me up, to stand by my side when someone was mean. I knew I would still be loved, I still had Russell and dad and mom… but I would be so lonely.

I choked a bit, something tried to get out, but hell would freeze over before I cried in front of Daniel. I knew he worried over me, moving from New York back to Newport. He still thought I had friends there, or even friends here. I wasn’t about to give him another reason to worry.

I focused onto Joanna Newsom. Her voice was high, wispy, childish, almost unconventional in a way. It was definitely different, so I guess it fitted Daniel. I knew so much about him, all these big things and small things, and then all these small things began to change over the years, except his room color. Baby blue… and I began to wonder when all these big things would begin to change, when I would become just his sister.

Refocusing on Joanna Newsom, I noticed how beautiful her voice was. She was asking to be heard, and her song was so striking, I couldn’t help but comply, I couldn’t focus back out.

I see the blossoms broke and wet after the rain
Little sister, he will be back again

Tranquillo

I was occupied with three thoughts: not looking stupid, not getting on anyone’s bad side and getting to bed as soon as possible. I couldn’t get over the dreams I had, they became somewhat of a comforting fact, idea, something that I could look forward to because I knew it was going to a constant when, in the back of my head, I was trying to push back farther the idea that soon, I would be pushed out into the world.

We pulled into the parking lot to see that someone had used our spot.

“Well… No one really assigned us spots, but I always parked there…” Daniel said as If he was trying to propose a compromise, or something. He used that spot because he thought that he would get less careless door openers around him there, because it was right next to the fence and teachers. I thought it was a good idea, and apparently working because his car is pristine, inside and out.

School went by in a blur. I only remember when I tripped over some guys backpack in English when I tried to get to my seat, managing to spill the girl who sat in front’s coffee, when I tried to brace my fall all, over her and her homework. I felt flushed hot red with stupidity, not just that but I pulled someone else into my world of shit. I felt so embarrassed, for the both of us, but I could feel her glowering down my throat as the hot chocolate that barely passed as coffee dripped over the table.

“Miss Theodoric, will you please go get the janitor before the room permanently smells of coffee?” Mr. Swithin asked lips tight.

Somehow I managed to break two of my three vows. Maybe the painkillers impaired me too much. But at least it had to be impossible to break the last, because it was less of a vow, more like something to anticipate. I trudged as quickly as my body would allow without tripping again, down the halls of a school that could pass for our houses grandfather. I mean, there were some cosmetic fixes, here and there, but the ceiling tiles were stained from recent leaks that are still neglected, paint was being peeling every day and things were just past bearable. I lost my concentration eyeing the school and tripped over one of the many blue benches that lined the hall. I swear I was stupid enough to try and brace my fall with straightened arms, when someone caught me.

“Are you okay?” queried a voice I’ve heard before

I looked up to see who was lifting me up into a standing position. I may be new in Newport High, but in a school with less then 1000 people, and with such a sociable family, you end up knowing (or at least seeing) everyone, learning their faces. But it was a new face to the area. He had skin that had just a tiny pink kiss of sun, pallid in every other way, brown hair whose waves would wave, thick curls of eye lash to match and a jaw that wasn’t nearly done squaring off. He looked like a seraph with features that obviously didn’t belong to a child, but had a youthful touch that made him unbearably attractive. I think I stopped breathing.

“Looks like Adal already made a friend,” a girl said as she came out from the corner. She walked into the picture with so much grace, a little skip in her strides, her long wavy chestnut hair bouncing behind her like the soft waves of a lake. Her face was much like the boy who held me (Adal?), pale and a little kiss of pink, framed with a head of hair. Her dress flowed seamlessly behind as she came with lips puckered into a smile, only to widen as she saw me.

“Hmm, I guess he did,” a boy said, stepping out from the corner. He was tall, taller then Daniel’s tall, possibly rivaled by Russell, if at all. He wore torn straight legged jeans that sagged and a fitted fabric jacket, showing his fit lengthy body through that wasn’t at all like the lengthy body of Adal, but no where as muscular and bulging as Russell’s, and with his stubble, dark hair and a serious wipe on his face, he was an intimidating specimen, someone that made you uncomfortable to look at or even be around because of his seriousness and beauty. Only when they stood there, all too alike, looking at me, one giggling, rocking back and forth, and the other just staring without a blink or a move, that I realized I haven’t moved from Adal’s arms.

“Oh!” I squealed as I jumped out of his arms, taking a step back. The girls laughed, while Adal looked at me with interested eyes.

“You should try and be more careful Miss…?” Mr. Ackley, the principle, said slightly irked. I hadn’t even noticed he was right by him the whole time.

“Theodoric,” I replied quietly back as my face flushed red again.

“Oh, Harry and Emily’s girl,” he said brightening up instantly, “I heard you were moving back. Is there anything I can help you with?”

“I, um, Mr. Swithin needs the janitor in his room.”

“Oh, I’ll call him right away, and nice to meet you Miss Theodoric, I hope you like it back here.”

I wheeled around quickly and walked as fast I could without turning it into a sprint into the bathroom, leaving Mr. Ackley behind me explaining things to the new (newer) students. I was gasping, because something hurt. I didn’t even know what was happening, those girls laughing, that boy touching me. I felt observed, those girls staring down with a voyeuristic element. It felt… wrong. No, they felt wrong.

I didn’t know why, but I felt the need to stay clandestine, so I walked out when a few girls came into the bathroom chattering. The talking turned to whispers and as I walked out, I could feel their eyes on me. I was just walking, I didn’t know to where, but I kept going. The best part about open campus, something I never had until this year, is you don’t look terribly suspicious going off campus because teachers send their students off on errands quite frequently.

I didn’t stop walking, I kept on going. I didn’t even look back once. When I stopped, I was at the shore of the beach. I walked along the water line, the sun beaming out of the clouds. There was relatively little wind, just a soft breeze. I saw a small pile of rocks that barely went into the water, maybe 20 feet if at all. I wanted to look into farther out, where the water was made of sun, dancing along the ripples.

And there was someone at the end of the rocks, Adal facing the water. “Did he follow me?” Newport wasn’t big, at all; this couldn’t have been a coincident.

“It isn’t,” he said in a voice all too familiar. It wasn’t familiar because I heard it at school; it was more familiar then that.

“The sky, the water, the fire, the bird’s song,” he said, “Don’t you think it’s all too beautiful?”

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t feel scared, violated, angry, or anything anymore, anything that I should feel. But I felt… relieved, like I was okay, like if Daniel was standing right beside me. The tide was inundating over the ebbing, around the rocks there was water slowly rising. I tried to take a step forward, to get closer to Adal, but I couldn’t; it wasn’t like my feet were stuck, but my instructions were ignored.

“Who… are you?” I said, as superfluous as it sounded. I knew what he was about to say, even though I wanted to know more.

“Adal, and I’ve come to help you,” he said without turning towards me. His hair wrestled in the breeze. There were not sea birds tussling in the wind, no sounds unnatural, no one but the two of us on the beach. The answer should have scared me, but I felt no unease, I didn’t even care that he answered what could only be the obvious.

“Adal… Where did you come from?” I said, testing the limits of reality. If I could never ask it in my dreams, only to be ejected right away, what would happen in real life?

“The only holy see,” he said contemplating the sky, “Yet, so close.”

His answers never made sense in my dreams, and I couldn’t expect any sense from them in real life now. They were, like his soul, his own language that he only understands. Too abstract, and enough that you would obsess thinking over it for the rest of your life, and yet, I felt like I knew what he meant somewhere in the pits of my gut.

Before I could even open my mouth to ask him to turn around so I can see his face, to talk to him and not his back, he did like knew what I was going to do. His face was expressionless, but there was an obvious air of perusal in his eyes. Before I could take strides to get close to him, he was by me, as if he knew I wanted to get closer to him, but didn’t want me to take my own steps. His expression was unforgettable, because it was so naïve in nature, more then as if he’d never seen me before, but like he’d never seen a person before. He held me firmly by the hands and looked straight into my eyes.

And I couldn’t stand how much of me, my life, that reflected back to me through his eyes. He knew my paints, my sorrows somehow, and he said without words or movement “You escape it the wrong way.”

He took my hand, and we glided to off the beach. The sounds of the town slowly filled me as we went up the hill away from the beach, but I still didn’t feel exactly there. His walk was so brisk and smooth, just short of a sprint, and with his hand holding mine, guiding my every movement, paired with my own strides, I felt like I was just gliding, that gravity ceased to weigh me down. I had no chance to look at it, not that I he wouldn’t let me, but my busy brain didn’t give me enough time to comprehend anything that went around. I was too high on life to be bothered with any other feelings. And in his car, I was consumed with ecstasy, like I was on Vicodin, but I knew, naturally, that by now the effects of my morning pills would have worn off.

His quick driving complimented his walk. In no time we were back at school. I really had no idea how any of that could happened, how much of it actually happened. To throw in a fact, I wanted to know it did happened, though less concerned with its probability in reality. School was nearly over, time leaving me behind in the longest lapse I’ve ever realized.

“Thank you for showing me around,” Adal said is a light and smooth voice that would make any adolescent boy’s choir mad in jealousy, any American Idol put to shame in their feats of “singing” as Adal merely spoke. He trailed in front of me, still with my hands in his, so it looked like he was showing me around. Yet, no one paid a glance (at me at least, but there were plenty looking him).

“Ah, thanks for showing the new students around Miss Theodoric,” Mr. Ackley beamed at me, failing to notice my blank expression. “I’ll wave your classed for the day,”

“I’ll see you later,” Adal whispered in my ear. The bell woke me, and I turned to find that I lost him in the myriad of trampling students who were eager to go home. It was almost as if nothing happened, the way I reacted. Maybe it was because I was too used to not reacting. Daniel appeared from the side, burning up like he was in the heat of sickness.

“Weight lifting?” I prodded.

“Yup,” he retorted with a grin, wiping the sweat that beaded off his face with the back of his hand. I was repulsed and shuddered at the though of him exercising.

“Who was that?” he asked as we walked to his car.

“Huh?” my all too common reply.

“That guy you were with. Is he new?”

“Yeah… uh, Adal,” I said half attentive, still trying to figure where the holy see was.

Daniel walked vigorously in front of me, only because I trailed behind in my own sea of thoughts. Who is he? Where is he from? It still doesn’t make sense. Why was he at the beach? Why was he saying those things to me?

Why wasn’t I reacting in a way that way that wasn’t anger or shock from what he said?

The girl and boy who were with Adal before passed in front of us. People were looking at them, staring in awe of their beauty, but they walked on silently, with the same expressionless face Adal had. It contrasted greatly against their laughing demeanors they had when I first encountered them.

“Wow, who are they?” Daniel said gaspingly with a stall.

“I think they’re Adal’s siblings,” I said hoping that an answer would make Daniel keep walking. Sadly, I had to keep on going by myself as he conversed with some friends who also gawked at the girls. I waited by the Volvo, and I noticed the car that filled Daniel’s spot, a white Bentley convertible. I went to a rich school full of rich kids in New York, and even there I never once saw a car like that. Daniel’s Volvo already outshined everyone’s car at school, and the Bentley made the Volvo look like a wet cardboard box. Adal came out of the building, with his two sisters trailing near behind, as other students tried to look like they didn’t notice them or the car, failing to hide their glances or their tries at keeping a fair distance away. The car opening to a beep sent a shudder through me as the Bentley gently cruised out of the parking lot. “What kind of people are they?” I was annoyed, annoyed by the fact that they come here with good looks and Bentleys and everything, annoyed at their laughs and annoyed at their stand and walk and how I didn’t have it. And most of all, annoyed that I don’t understand him, and yet he understood me, even after knowing for a week.

“Who was that?” A familiar voice posed.

“The same people,” I said, still staring at the empty parking spot.

“Hmm… They must be super rich,” Daniel said. There was a long pause and he broke into a loud laugh that made me jump, and opened the door for me.

“Lets go home and get you some more Vicodin,” he joked. Daniel was just the kind of person not to care about these kind of things.

Tempo di sonno

He came, but it wasn’t the same. There was the beach, the jetty, the sounds the water, unchanged. The sky illuminated no differently, the ocean’s tide dancing under, but he was looking at me, from the middle to the end I looked at him.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” he replied with concern in his voice. “Did I frighten you?”

“No, no, I was… No. I wasn’t even scared, I was… happy. I felt safe, relieved.”

He walked up to me and took my hand.

“Who are you?”

“You know me better then you think,” he said sweetly as he turned to stand my by side, facing the ocean with me. I didn’t argue.

“Who were those… others from before?”

“To you and me, Elise and Heikki, my sister and brother,” he sang. “You know, they wouldn’t let me go anywhere without them. We saw what was happening, what's going to happen, and I had to come. They had to come. I hope they didn’t offend you or anything. But one things for sure, I’ll be a constant.”

“Thanks,” I sighed. A constant is exactly what I need, religiousness, something I can rely on. It wasn’t monotony I wanted, but I wanted something that was always there.

“The sky, the water, the fire, the bird’s song,” I breathed. “A constant,” I thought.

“I’ll see you later,” Adal whispered in my ear.

Più mosso

My days were eaten up quickly, by boredom and numbness numbed in pills. I didn’t take them because I was a substance abuser, but my tongue was still bitter and the yellow room blurred my mind as I tried to focus on sleeping. I needed the motivation. Adal told “You escape it the wrong way.” I understood what he meant, but I didn’t really want to accept it, because I always felt better afterwards.

“I start work after school today,” Daniel said as we were pulling out of the driveway. “Do you think you can find a ride home?” I don’t know what kind of question that was, because I didn’t have any friends, so apart from him, mom, dad and Russell, who else would give me a ride? But I couldn’t blame him; I was keeping up a charade of “having friends.”

“Umm,” I started, pondering out loud (but still quietly) like I had a huge list to go through. “Do you think Russell could?”

“I don’t know, maybe you should call him now.”

I pulled out my phone, a really nice Samsung phone. My mom bought it for me because she didn’t want me to feel left out of the loop, “All the other kids have phones like this.” But I rarely used it, so it was in the same shape as the Volvo: perfect. I went through my address book. It had five numbers surprisingly: Dad… Daniel… Russell… Mom… I sighed. 911, I almost had my hopes up.

“Hello, Russell? It’s me, Emm.”

“Oh, hey there, whatsup?”

“Umm… going to school. Say, can you pick me up afterwards, I can’t get a ride with Daniel because he has work.”

“Can’t help you there, little Emm, I have to work too. Can mom or dad?”

I didn’t know the answer to that, so I asked Daniel. “Can mom or dad give me a ride?”

“They’re both working too,” he chuckled. “Sounds like you should get a job, or you can get a ride with your friend up there,” he said pointing his one finger up ahead without taking his hands off the wheel. Pulling out from a small clearing, a pearly white car shining in the morning light came in front of us.

“He seems to really like you,” Daniel said smiling, nearly proud and happy, or maybe more on the idea that he now knows who our new neighbor is.

“I don’t even know him, though.”

“Give him a chance, he seems to really like you.”

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I actually didn’t know if I was happy or freaked or angry. I mean, I consciously knew that it was wrong for Adal to do the things he did, not because he did do them, but because he could do them, and yet I had no feelings apart from safety and serenity and joy. Then there were the dreams, which I definitely should be reacting more strongly to, but I felt only the same feelings.

In front of us, the convertible top pulled down, and the shorter girl turned around to wave wildly, her hair blowing in her face barely covering her large smile. Daniel chuckled, weeding his unruly his hair through his hands looking down at the ground ahead of the car. I wondered if his evasive eyes meant he liked her. What else could it mean; he despised the sight of her?

A muffled voice started to shout from the phone. “Oh, sorry,” I said automatically to Russell.

We pulled into the parking lot right behind the Bentley. I hated it, being right behind jealous wide eyes, right after a car full of gorgeous people. I hated being behind eyes on my brothers, my family, but now hate not having eyes on them. It’s like, they cease to exist around me now.

Or the new family stole their existence.

The other students we’re focused on the new students, being in a new school with vivacious girls talking senselessly to the boys, and guys stealing quick glances at Elise who only smiled back, her pearly white teeth shining through her lips, stopping the hearts of people who drew their nerves up to talk to her. A boy sitting behind her nearly suffered a heart attack when she began to comb her hair with her fingers.

I had to trudge through the halls alone, not that anyone would walk with me, unless I ran into Daniel. But I felt, more devoid, like someone was supposed to be there with me, but wasn’t. It was a horrible feeling, then a light touch on my shoulder sent a tingle of safety through me. I didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.

“Hi Daniel,” I sighed.

“I’m sure my name is Adal,” cooed a soft voice, projecting from a pallid face with a warm smile. I felt an urge to punch him in the face; it was supposed to be Daniel who walks me down the halls and keep me company and keep other students from pushing me to the side. Not Adal, not Adal. But I didn’t know what to do, it knew it was wrong, it was creepy, and yet I loved the feeling; I’ve never had anything like this happen to me before. Butterflies tried to escape from my mouth.

“H-h-hi,” I uttered shakily, as he pulled through crowds that split for his presence.

“I think I have English with you, can we walk together?”

“Sure?…!” I said, running awkwardly to catch up with him.

“So, um, where did you move from?” I said shrewdly in English, trying to strike a conversation.

“Not too far from here,” he shot a smile back at me. My heart just jumped to a stop. I’ve never felt like this before. He was, so brave. A new student, and he talks to people like he wasn’t, and confusing part, is why does he talk to me? Why wouldn’t he scout out for a while, find the popular kids and be friends with them? They have more to offer, more to give to his life, then I do.

Adal sat by me in English. He sat by my every period, every break, every lunch, all the time we could possibly be together. I never opened up to him, quite as much as he would like at least, and yet he stayed. And every time we were together, some people would try and pull him away, ask why he would be around me.

“Come with us to lunch, Adal.”

“Why are you always with her, Addie?”

“Uhm…” It was nearly lunch, and I needed to find a ride desperately if I wanted to go home.

“What is it, Emily?”

“I, uh, can I…” I blushed, “Nevermind.”

“Oh, well, okay.” He threw a smile.

“Maybe you would like to, uh, be with them,” I tried to suggest nicely.

“Why would I?” he said crooking his head askew with a grin.

I didn’t know what to say. His brother and sister seemed to fair fine, they we’re making friends, and I was positive he would too. Why did he pick to be around me? Was it some kind of joke? Was he trying to make fun of me, prove a point? I didn’t argue, because I felt great with him around. I really did, and now Daniel might not have to feel like he has to be around me all the time. Even if he was trying to make fun of me, I felt great. I gave him back a meek smile.

“Okay, okay, everyone quiet down,” Mr. Swithin said as he stepped to the front of the room. Everyone seemed to pull themselves slowly to their desks, even with a teacher as sharp and rude as Mr. Swithin, he was a scrawny, gaunt figure could never pose a threat to anyone. He was even scrawny in his threats, which he never went through with. This one girl, Britney, a bleach blonde, walking fake tan mistake shot smiles and lipped-words to Adal like no one else noticed. But everyone did, and though she believed that she was the popular kid, and that everyone loved her, no one did. I think that’s the problem with the “cool” kids, they are just walking fashion trends. Everyone is scared of them, just because they dare to do things no one else does, but in reality their friends are limited; If everyone was truthful with their feelings, maybe those people would get it in their head that no one appreciates their attitude. But no one argues.

“Who is that girl?” Adal whispered.

“Um… Britney.”

“Is she okay?” he said concerned, as if there was something wrong with her.

“I think, she’s trying to hit on you?” I felt thoroughly embarrassed to have to spell it out to him. Was he trying to be ignorant? There was no way he could be that naive, with his looks I bet he gets girls all over him all the time.

“Oh, haha,” he chucked out. He turned to the back of the room and said something with his lips. I tried to look like I wasn’t looking, and in the few glances I stole it looked like Britney wasn’t too bright about whatever he said. She just sat there, intensely throughout class. Hey face was raw, and she barely moved. When class ended, we left class and she swiftly pushed me into the door, walking on with her friends like nothing happened.

“That wasn’t very prudent, Britney,” Adal sang over the other voices in the halls.

She stopped into a spin to face us. “What?”

“You pushed Emily into the door.”

“You’re crazy,” she said, glaring back into my eyes. I just stood there, Adal beside me, as other students stalled to a stop to hear what was happening. “She’s a giant screw up anyways, she probably tripped over her own ego. Why would I want you anyways?”

“That’s what you said, not me,” Adal said coolly back.

She stuttered. “You’re messing with the wrong person,” she acidly spat back, but it wasn’t at Adal, her glare still focused on me. She strutted out of the movie, fuming. Adal took my arm and glided down the halls.

“What did you say to her?” I whispered franticly.

“I told her that I was flattered, but not interested.”

I doubted that’s the entirety of it. She was too angry for what he said. Or maybe she was angry because it was simply a rejection? I didn’t understand why she would be angry of it anyways, because she had a boyfriend already.

Lunch dragged on, and I had to find Daniel. I didn’t know what else to do for a ride. I purposefully ran into him by his car, Adal trailing behind composing himself into the new environment.

“Hey Emm, Hi Adal,” Daniel beamed.

“Oh, hello,” Adal replied shaking Daniel’s hand, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Their looks almost clashed. Two unbelievably beautiful males standing side by side like what you see in Vouge, but they are right there, really there. It was eerie in that way, and a few people out in the distance looked towards the two like they were expecting a fight.

“Um, Dan, can I go with you to work or something?” I asked him away from Adal quietly.

“Couldn’t find a ride?”

“Well, no, not really.” It was half a lie, because I didn’t really look for one, but how far could I get with no one I could ask, or would be comfortable accepting a ride from?

“Well, I guess you could, why not?” Daniel said as he pulled out some books from the back seat.

“Okay,” I said, pulling up a weak smile. I started to glance around, looking for Adal. He was off near the track, with his sister and brother. They were talking, but in a low voice that just trembled the air. They laughed lightly, and then grew back into an airy conversation. They looked so relaxed, so at home, so… real. It was awkward, because I imagined them with no personality, nearly just like a page of a magazine.

“So, how is that Adal?” Dan asked, leaning against his car with the wind rustling against his hair.

“He’s nice I guess. I don’t understand why he wants to be around me so much though.”

“I think you’re being too down on yourself. You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“No,” I said curtly, turning to sit on the cars hood. My chestnut colored locks flowed seamlessly in the wind as I stared up into the sky with Daniel. He was so tall that even with me up on his car, him leaning back against it, he was still much taller. He was so elegant with the high sun’s light beaming off his face, the wind blowing through his hair.

“You know that people like you, Emm?”

“Huh?” There was a long pause after I said that. The rustlings of leaves, a breeze blowing through the waving flag, small chatter from across the campus were the only sounds, and the heat of the sun relaxing my skin, my body. I closed my eyes to see the pink through my lids.

“I’ve noticed, noticed that you are really shy. I don’t blame you, but you don’t have to. People want to like you, but you’re being so reclusive, pushing them away and running.

“You do know that you are the most beautiful girl in this school? Girls aren’t mean to you because they don’t like you; they want you, to be you. Guys don’t talk to you, because they are scared. And at the same time, the ones that aren’t like that, you push away.”

“But—“

“Just let me finish. I can’t be there for you, all the time. Things are going to change, and I would love to be there for you, forever and ever, one million years, but I just can’t.” He was looking up at the same spot in the sky as me. There, dotted across the sky, were sparse clouds, no rain poured, only a beating of the sun, a rare gift from god. I felt so depressed though, like when someone buys you a gift and you like it or you don’t, but you’re still sad for some reason. Or if someone meant good things by telling you the truth, but it was the hard truth. It wasn’t supposed to hurt you, but it did a bit anyways. That’s how it was.

“We were meant to look out for each other. I just know it. But I can’t do it forever, you know.”

He looked me at me, turning his head at an angle without getting off from the car. “Promise me one thing though, that you won’t be down. Please make some friends, find someone, before it’s too late? Please?”

I hated that. He acted like I can’t make friends. Well, I can, I just haven’t found anyone I want to be friends with. I hated that.

“Sure, fine, whatever,” I said, hopping off the car walking to the courtyard.

“See you,” he said, quietly trailing through the winds. There was a slight sound of regret in his voice.

“’Kay”

My stomach felt like it was coming apart, like there was nothing there at all, nothing there to keep it together. I had to keep myself together, nearly literally. He was so sincere, I know because that’s the kind of person he was, a sincere guy. But it was so truthful, it hurt a bit.

I had to wrap my arms around my torso to keep myself together. It hurt, a bit.

“Is everything okay?” a familiar sweet voice said, rising from the east of my ears. Elise. I only nodded. She sat right next to me on the bench, her hands holding a text book on her lap. She bent down to look me at the side of my face, into my eyes.

“No, no you’re not,” she sighed. That song was a dirge. She put down her books and wrapped her arms around my curled body, rocking me slightly back and forth. “Tell me,” she cooed softly, struggling to let go, but did so.

“Tell me,” and for some reason, I felt the urge to. Maybe it was because I had to get it off my chest, maybe it was because there was something about her, something soft and sincere, motherly, that made it so even after knowing her for less then five minutes I felt like I could trust her.

I gasped for breath. “Daniel, you know him? My brother, and I love him so much. He understands me, he keeps me company, and he is always there when I need someone, because I don’t have too many people to go to. And he was saying how he can’t be here forever, for me, but he’s the little I have to keep me sane, to keep me me, and I can’t imagine waking up, knowing he’s not there and… It’s like he’s trying to push me away. I mean, not really, but, he told me,” I sighed deeply, “the truth.”

“And the truth is hard, sometimes.”

I didn’t argue. But she was right.

“We’re here if you need us, Emily. Don’t worry, because you won’t even be alone, life’s such a large thing, an ocean big enough for everyone” she said smiling, a smile meant to melt the ice in your heart after a tragedy. It was horrible, I didn’t even know her, and it worked. She stood and held out her free hand for me.

“Adal’s waiting,” and I took her offer.

Something felt different through the rest of the day. It seemed like everyone was really… aware, on the defensive team, even Adal’s perk had left for a silent, rigid person, the beauty you see in magazines and runways. It was scary, frightening, because his solid, unemotional look sent chills down your spine, because it looked so unnaturally beautiful.

The rain started, an ending to the story that was sunshine. It didn’t seem to bother anyone, like it normally would; people just went on with their day being aware, defensive and emotionless. I was sad though, but I wasn’t defensive or emotionless, but I was aware, but not like anyone else. Everyone else was just, jumpy, even though they knew what was happening. I knew the sun had left, I knew that people were jumpy, I knew what was going on. I just knew what was happening. Though the birds didn’t sing with the sun out, they didn’t begin with the sun gone. It was a nonreactive day, like everything had left, and everyone became robots halfway through.

And the serine moment of life that bothered me. I would rather be stepped on as a shadow in the pavement, then have everyone else be silent and join me. It was too quite, it felt as if all your thoughts rang true, spoken out like they were being announced. It was creepy, and I didn’t like it. I really didn’t like it.

I ran out to the parking lot with my jacket pulled up to cover my hair. I always did my hair, even though no one liked me, I just thought it would be even worse if I didn’t do anything at all, I would more ostracized. My brown hair was teased and blow-dried into light waves and curls, and there was always too much volume to it, and it felt like I was wearing a loose hat because my hair would bounce up and down when I walked. The wind only picked up, raining down on me at an angle matting my hair down slowly. From the building, Daniel walked slowly to the car, making no wake or noise in his existence. It didn’t bother me, how he was so unbelievably, near literally a shadow on the pavement with his dark and earthy clothes, because he always walked lightly, like he was careful not to make noise. But it wasn’t a conscious act he played up, it was an innate ability passed through the family; my mom walked with great lithe, and Russell and dad did also, even with their large frame and mass they somehow managed not to make noise on the wood floor of our house or tiled linoleum of Wal-Mart. It was one of my only treasured abilities, but it would only look as great on me as it did on them if I wasn’t so clumsy, breaking my legs vow of silence every few minutes tripping over a chair leg or bumping into a table’s corner knocking over half objects on the table’s real-estate.

I was still bothered by Daniel’s comments during lunch. It wasn’t him that bothered me, no, it was just the stark truth in his comments. That he couldn’t be there for me forever, that I needed to make friends before it’s too late, that I had to, soon. But I couldn’t help but ignore my original state when he drew up a smile, opening the passenger door for me. I felt obligated to smile and at least whisper back a thanks.

“So, where did you apply to?”

“A lot of places, actually,” he said, backing out of the parking spot. “And a lot of places accepted me. I ended up getting a job at that new café down near the beach, Beau et Belle?” I actually knew that place, not that I’d been there, but I had been past it a few times, but a lot of people have been there, talked about it. Mom bought a chocolate cake from there a few days ago, a really good one, and dad and Daniel ate it up a day later. It was a bit corny, but suiting, that Daniel got a job there though. Beautiful, and Beautiful.

Beau et Belle wasn’t terribly busy, in accordance to the weather. I waited around inside, doing my homework, listening to music, reading a book. Daniel spoke with the owner to mention that I was going to be around that day. The owner, Geoff, was a bit ironic looking in the petite café, he was big and burly with a stout belly, a short beard growing and no hair on top, but wore nice designer clothes and a flowery apron. He was also the chief, tea brewer, drink maker, landscaper and decorator for the shop. He did everything, and you would normally assume he was gay if he didn’t look the way he did, had two kids, both in college, both girls, and a really beautiful wife that looked like she belonged somewhere in Paris or New York. They both worked together, but she was just the pastry chief, and both really kind; they offered me all the free food as long as Daniel waited tables.

Slowly I was getting to know Adal and his family better. Their whole family was hit on left and right, but Heikki was a bit of trouble with the girls: He was openly gay. It was a big shock, that there was an openly gay male (there were plenty of “lesbian” girls in Newport) who came so comfortably into a small town community like that. People tried to gossip about him, but he always seemed to hear. It wasn’t like he would beat someone up for talking about him behind his back, he wasn’t that kind of person, but he did talk to them, if he had the chance, softly and kindly in the deep booming voice he had. It also didn’t help them that he had such a big frame, because it intimidated people so much. But he was so nice, really, and most realized that his sexuality meant little about him. He joined all the sports team, and of course, that causing problems in the beginning. None of the athletes, the stupid ones at least, wanted anything to do with anything gay (and male), especially if they have to play with him, and god forbid, undress in his presence. But he did better then anyone in any teams he was in and was one of the friendliest students at Newport High, and most people learned better in time. He became one of the most popular, looked up to people in Newport, and he wasn’t a let down like other athletes or role models either: he didn’t drink, didn’t do drugs, and didn’t have sex or anything. He was a big partier, but still never did anything at the parties. My brother took an automatic liking to Heikki, and they be came great friends in short time.

Elise was really artistic. She dominated the art department in school, nearly running it herself within a month. She could paint, play music, make pottery, sing, dance, she was nearly perfect. Unlike Heikki, Elise wasn’t a gay (lesbian) and actually dated most the people that hit on her left and right. She was really kind about it, but the only reason why she could date left and right was that most people broke up with her soon after beginning anything with her. Everyone claimed that it was too much of a responsibility, with so many people not even being detoured to try and get her, even if she was already taken. I think the real reason was that she intimidated all of them, too much, that no one felt they were good enough.

And there was Adal, the quietest of the three. He loved music, and clothes, and that was about it. He played almost anything you could think of, and played it very well. Other then his impeccable taste In shoes and bags, his overwhelming talent in playing music, and his amazing looks to spare, he was a very down-to-earth person. He definitely didn’t party like Heikki (not that I would know, I don’t go either), and the only times I’ve seen him out of school was randomly in stores or at his brothers games or his sisters shows. He really kept to himself, to the dismay of many girls, and most if not all of them did end up giving up on him after a few weeks. I thought he was gay too, and I felt really bad, because I think his only friend was me.

Weeks would pass, and I slowly I grew to liked him more and more, and the more I felt that way, the less alone, with more then just my family and their obligation with me.

I stayed at the café whenever Daniel worked, Mondays through Wednesdays, and Fridays too actually. I thought that the owners would get tired of me, but they only warmed up even more.

I was drawing unconsciously in the corner of my homework, bored from trying to find “examples of how Paris’s love for Juliet was only superficial.” I peaked out of the corner of my eyes to people watch whenever people came in. The bell rang, but I didn’t hear the usual scuffle of squeaky shoes or rustling clothes dripping from the heavy rain the Pacific Northwest loves to bring.

“Hey Heikki, Adal,” Daniel said gleefully. Involuntarily, I looked up, my hand still waving about marking the paper. Daniel and his older brother were sitting at a small table, the silence from their presence only broken by the sporadic whispers people made.

“Why does the other brother have blonde hair?”

Daniel handed the two a menu. “Hello Daniel,” Heikki said. His voice was deep and mellow, like a sweet cello of some sort, but a large smile cracked on his face. Adal only nodded.

“Do you know what you would like to get started with?”

“Actually, we were just getting a cake or pie, but I guess we could have some tea and sweets,” Heikki said, his large frame towering over the table. “Adal?”

“Of course, why not?” They were almost overtly polite. “How about a pumpkin pie,” he said, glancing over the menu at Heikki, who nodded, “and lets start with rose hip tea and frosted lady fingers.” Heikki seemed quite pleased, grunting “Oh, I like those” joyfully as Daniel took the menus and went to the counter to fetch some pastries out of the glass display.

I didn’t know if Adal or Heikki noticed me at first, they didn’t even look around like other naturally curious customers did. But in moments of that first thought Adal got up and sat neatly next to me in the corner bench booth.

“How have you been, Emily?”

I was caught off guard and squealed a bit. “Um, good, yourself?” He said sitting close to me, his elbows perched on the table, his head seated on top looking across the room. I could feel the warmth from his body, the sweet scent of his presence.

“Quite fine. thank you,” he beamed, still not looking at me, “so are you stuck here while your brother works?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh,” he said, nearly disappointed. I think he expected more then a quick one word reply. “What are you drawing?” he said, pointing to the picture I was drawing. It was a drawing of the jetty. I hadn’t even realized I was drawing it with my mind wandering around, trying to listen and focus onto other happenings around me. “I think we’ve been there before,” he said, though vague on his definition of we; did he even remember when we met each other at the beach?

Moments passed that seemed like forever, and the silence was cut. “I like you,” he breathed slowly, a sigh like a weight was lifted off his chest. It surprised me, taking me off guard; I’ve only known him for not even a month, but when he said that, the surprise was also paired with my own relief.

“Are you... Are you asking me out?”

“Yes.”

I sighed at his comment.

“Is that… a no?” He said, a wipe of worry all over his face, a big pot of disappointment and sorrow.

I only laughed meekly, doodling on the picture. “No,” I said looking into his eyes, “It’s a yes.” He lit up, and kissed me in the forehead.

His gaze caught my attention, he was studying my picture. He took my hand, and it was a surprise because my mind was on something else. But I didn’t argue. He held my hands without motion, his eyes studying it over and around. There was gentile warmth his body gave out, like on a cold day when you cuddle in your mom or dad’s lap, by a fire or in front of the TV, and their body heat coos you softly to sleep. It was an amazing feeling, feeling his hands, so soft like the velvet of a newborns skin, but looking in his eyes were different; as beautiful and striking as they were, his eyes beaded old.

But was his warmth all too soon? I did only know her for not even a month. But I did like him, a lot.

Much of the peace ended with a booming fit of laughter, catching everyone’s attention. Someone said something that was funny, I didn’t know who, but Daniel and Heikki were both laughing, nearly past their restraints.

“It seems like they grew to like each other too,” Adal said with an expression of worried and embarrassment, a meek smile on his face, like there was something to make up or apologize for, and he was trying.

“Looks like it,” I sighed smilingly. It was nice, this feeling, like I wasn’t alone. I could never get the things Daniel said to me before out of my thoughts, how I needed to find someone. But I think I have someone now, and I think I like it.

Daniel helped closed the café on Fridays, so we had to stay around until seven. Geoff came out to help clean and walked up to me with his mop vigorously wiping the floor.

“You’re here so much, I don’t know why I haven’t thought to ask if you would like a job,” he said without looking me into the eye.

I spoke packing my stuff up into my bag. “Oh, it’s okay; it’s already been enough for you to let me loiter.” He replied with a bellowed chuckle.

“So, you don’t want the job?”

“Oh, you were serious?” He nodded. “Um, sure, that would be great!”

I ended up getting the same schedule Daniel had, after schools Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, which I thought was really thoughtful of Geoff. Daniel was really excited, happy that I wouldn’t have to just sit around anymore and that we could work together.

The drive home was really nice. The sun was just nearly set and the rain had stopped, revealing a deep purple sky as the wind quickly brushed the clouds away. It was a nice change from the dark grey sky that never ceased to pour rain on us.

“Daniel, that bruise hadn’t gone away yet, are you rubbing it?”

“No, I don’t know, but I have another one on my thigh.”

“Maybe you should get them checked out.”

“Hmm,” He acted like there was something else on his mind, something he wanted to say, but didn’t know how to yet. “So, we haven’t really had a proper one-on-one talk in a while. What’s been happening lately?”

“Not much,” I replied, staring out into the sky.

“Really? I heard that you and Adal are dating,” he prodded jokingly.

“What?! Where did you hear that?”

“A reliable source,” he poked even more.

“But it was just tonight! Eavesdropper!” I joked. I wasn’t angry, how could I be with Daniel? I knew it was bound to become known news, and I knew I was going to tell him soon anyways, I tell him everything.

“It was Heikki actually, he has amazing ears.”

I was thinking, was that what they thought was so funny? I was a bit angry that Heikki was listening to us, because he wasn’t my brother. But I like Heikki, he might as well be my brother, so it didn’t bother me that much.

“Say, is this your first… relationship?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Oh, how cute,” he said, but with more propriety that I was used to from him. I don’t think he was joking now. “So, did you know I have never been in any relationships either, until now either?”

“Really?” I was genuinely surprised, because I thought he had been with at least a few girls already. I was interested. “Who is it?”

“Heikki,” he said, solemnly and very serious, but he automatically beamed, sighing and acted like his heart was melted, like one of those girls who were just kissed by their lover in a teen movie. I was surprised; I was perplexed, confused a bit, over the idea that he was gay. It didn’t even run across my mind before.

“So, is it just a… phase?”

“No, I’ve known, for a long time.”

I was taken back with the idea that he never told me before, I mean, we were always there for each other, right? Was he scared that I wouldn’t like him anymore, as my brother, as a human?

“Why didn’t… Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t know how you would react, and… I’m not sure…” he said, trailing off into silence.

“Don’t think like that, I love you for who ever you are. I’ve loved you this whole time, and you were gay, I just didn’t know it, so what difference does it make?”

“I don’t know, but just please don’t be mad. It’s not that easy coming out, even to your best friend. I mean, I knew you would be okay, okay with who I am, but it’s all really hard. I’m not sure, but please don’t tell anyone, not that I would think you would, but it’s a bit of a secret; Heikki may be out, but I don’t know when I’ll be ready.”

There was an awkward silence, not that because Daniel was gay… it was complicated. I don’t think he distrusted me, no, I was his twin sister. I loved him, and I would never tell, and I knew he knew that too, but there's always that chance, something will accidently slip, and we both knew that chance existed. It was also because our hearts were racing, it always happens when you say a lot, something big.

“I’m really happy for you Daniel.”

“Me too,” but he still sounded a bit sad.